Why We Like The Bad Guys

We know very well that they are not good and they are going to hurt us. But a kind of masochistic instinct is released  every time we see one of the bad guys. We find him completely irresistible.

There is risk, intensity, danger and excitement. It’s a cocktail that’s totally intoxicating.

And when our bad guy – who we’re obviously trying to change – disappears, we cry for days over our stupidity.

That which attracts us to bad guys

We think they are interesting, risky, dangerous and different. We know they disappear from one day to the next without saying anything  to be with another. But we still like them.

What is it that is so appealing to a bad guy?

They are “forbidden”

We all feel satisfied by breaking the rules. Being with a bad guy that your parents have forbidden you to see or that your friends dislike can be really satisfying.

This is what experts call “conscious fear,” which is not painful but pleasant. The English psychologist, Michael Belint,  says  that the “dark side” is funny because we are responsible for the attraction  and can control it.

But we do not all feel the same need for the forbidden. Cultural, environmental and genetic factors influence what builds and shapes this desire.

The desire to be “selected”

When a bad guy looks at you or gives you attention,  then you want to be his only one. Even if it’s just for a moment or for a few hours. You will be the only one talking to him that he is looking at, the girl he desires…

Even though we know it will be short-lived,  we desire him because he makes us feel comfortable. For a while we will be the only one.

The idea that we can “change” him

In the initial phase, we wait for his call or message for several hours, even though we know he will disappear. We know it’s not going to last. Likewise, we know it will be fun until the very end, whenever it comes.

But all  these ideas come from romantic love movies. It’s incomplete love.

Scientific studies on the “dark triad”

Peter Jonason of New Mexico State University (USA) conducted a study with 200 students from the city to  show that women prefer bad guys  but marry the good guys.

Jonason  classified men according to these personality traits,  which he called the “dark triad of psychological traits.”

Narcissism

In bad guys, narcissism is related to short relationships. They occur in men who compete against their own gender to have a partner and then reject that partner after intercourse.

Psychopathy

Psychopathy is often manifested by a lack of sensitivity and lack of empathy. In short, psychopathic tendencies can even be helpful because psychopaths have a false charm that is completely superficial.

Machiavelli’s exploitative and manipulative nature

Machiavellianism is related to uncertainty, duality and manipulation. Jonas’ study showed that men who had these more “dark” traits tended to have more partners and short relationships.

There is hope for the good guys

In the long run, women’s choices of men have changed.

Dr. Gayle Brewer, PhD in Developmental Psychology at the University of Central Lancashire (UK), argues that women only choose bad guys for short relationships. For long and lasting relationships, women prefer good and gracious guys  who exude confidence, empathy and friendship.

“One has learned that hope is the last thing one should lose, and this may be true in certain circumstances. But in  impossible love or heartache, then hopelessness is a remedy.  If you do not love something,  do not expect anything and do not hope for anything positive: an intelligent pessimist is better than a misinformed optimist. ”

So when a bad guy evaporates, no longer pursues us or has simply swapped us for another, then  we will have to give up our hopes as soon as possible, and regain our confidence.  But how?

Riso suggests several techniques that can improve self-confidence  after a breakup or a littered relationship. These are the techniques:

• Remove phrases from your vocabulary, such as: “I am unable to” and: “I can not.”
• Do not be pessimistic.  If you have too many negative thoughts about the future, take some time to check if they are realistic.
• Do not be a blacksmith.  You create your own destiny.
• Remember not only the bad.  Spend a few moments a day  activating your positive memory.  Think about the positive things that you have done in your life.
• Look at your set goals  and see if you can get further by applying your strength.
• You have to challenge yourself and take chances.  Define a realistic goal and go for it.