The Effect Of Having An Absent Mother
We need our mother’s warmth, attention and love, more than just about anything else in our lives. There are not many things we need more than that. Think about it: Your first big fear is losing her and not having her with you when you need her. If you have an absent mother, there is nothing in the world that can offset that.
In the early moments of your life, you accept everything she does. If she criticizes you harshly or neglects you, you will forgive her in a split second. In these situations, you probably do not even dare to question what she did. In fact, you are more likely to blame yourself for making her angry . And the reason is that what you fear most when you are little is that she leaves you.
“The hand that cradles the cradle is the hand that rules the world.”
-William Ross Wallace-
No matter how unemployed a mother is, there will always be times when she needs to be away. She can not help but leave you once in a while, even if it is not very long. At these young ages, we are still not aware of the time and we do not know if she will ever return. Little by little, you learn to deal with the short absences, even if it’s scary.
If your mother for some reason is actually absent most of the time, not just once in a while, it will open a wound in your heart that will never heal. If your mother is completely absent, the emotional damage will be so bad that it will leave a terrible scar on your mind, especially if it is in your first six years of life.
An absent mother
Some people reach adulthood completely scared when they have to be alone. For example, if no one is home, they may become anxious and feel like they are drowning. These kinds of people can also be extremely charming. They have learned that they must “be good” and always act as others expect them to do. But when they are alone, they feel like scared children.
An absent mother is also sometimes the root cause of sleep and eating disorders. It could be that she wanted her baby to eat and sleep, and manipulate them by not being there all the time. It’s as if they’re making her pay off a debt, even if it’s them who really end up paying in the end.
A mother who is absent a lot and for a long time can give her child extreme anxiety problems. They will be scared when she leaves and when she comes back because they do not know how long she will be there.
There are even some mothers who use that fear to “control” their children. They threaten to walk away from their children if they do not listen. There really is no escape for a child if they do not have a good mother.
The consequences of having an absent mother
Children who have an absent mother develop certain types of typical behaviors toward her: protest, desperation, and distancing. Her absence does not make them more numb; it causes their emotions to multiply.
Ultimately, their only choice is to block their feelings of love. Some children even end up with a dull hatred towards her, due to this vicious cycle of loving and losing again and again.
An absent mother can create distant, angry and sad children. Little by little, and with their souls on fire, they learn that they must go alone in the world.
It is a dangerous situation for the children, so in order to survive it, they take sometimes masks on: friendly and obedient, or the neighborhood bully, insensitive ... When they are adults, it is difficult for them to see what lies behind the false personality they created to deal with the loss.
What children really lose when they have an absent mother is their trust in other people. And their hope that someone will respond to their needs, or even just love them. Because of this, when they love people as adults, they are often completely dependent. But the conditions do not usually last.
They may be skeptical of their relationship or ask for impossible things from them. So what an absent mother leaves in her shadow is a person who has learned nothing beyond how to build relationships full of anger, anxiety, and above all, mistrust.
