My Love Is More Than Devotion, Habit And Fear Of Being Alone

To love consciously means to love oneself first. So we can get rid of unhealthy attachments or the cold emptiness that we oblige others to fill. To love in a mature way means to give ourselves freely to another in an act of true honesty and devotion, but never to alleviate our loneliness and certainly never in a way where we lose our dignity.

Einstein himself once said that love could never be explained under the lens of science. For the biological, chemical and fascinating thing can never be quantified or observed under a microscope. H show there is something that neuroscience has proven today, it is that love is addictive.

“Love is not only wanting, but also understanding.”
-Francoise Sagan

Advances in neuroscience can, in many cases, remove our sense of romance, affection, and the poetic aura that can envelop our relationships, like poisoned candy. Love is twisted with dopamine, so many times we fall as if we were doped  by a bond that costs us a lot to escape from.

Love is blind. We know this. And we can all end up in one of these relationships based on an insane attraction, suffocating and intense at the same time. But it is our responsibility to open our eyes to truly see ourselves first. A relationship that depersonalizes us, which removes our most inner self, where self-esteem and self-confidence are located, is not healthy. It’s like burning ourselves up in an undeserved fire of unhappiness.

Love based on affection is pure addiction

There have been more studies on heartache than on love associated with obsession and addiction. There is a very simple explanation for this. Historically and culturally, the image has projected that excessive love, passionate, dominant and blind, is something admirable, positive and even inspiring.

We have to admit…  We have all bought the idea that the best lovers are the ones who are all or nothing. The ones where we melt the two halves of our hearts to create a whole heart, where we are the breath the other breathes. We are saved from all our fears and healed by our loneliness. But we have to be very careful with these ideas. For they all hide something farcical, bittersweet brushstrokes and the ruthless poison of deception.

We must keep in mind that relationships based on loving affection are insane because they all hold the eraser in their hand that can do away with all our personal qualities: self-esteem, self-concept, self-respect, etc. Moreover, it is not that easy to see what dazzles us when we are made subordinate to this type of co-dependent love, as strange as it may seem. It does not matter that others warn us. It is useless for them to tell us that we are not the “type of person”.

Love based on affection is stubborn and blind. It gets neither flat nor crown, so when a big and broken heart needs their drugs, the side effects are relentless.

I love you beyond fear, loneliness and habit

Neurologists tell us that love is obsessive because it is regulated by serotonin, and is even prone to ruthlessness because both the cerebral cortex and the amygdala lose some control over their “chain of command”. That said, it does not mean, just because much of our behavior is the result of all the chemical shipwreck, that we cannot love in a healthy way and have a good, satisfying, and full relationship.

“Separation does not mean you have nothing. That means nothing has you. “
-Ali ibn Abi Talib

The best thing in these cases is to invest in your own personal growth first, to manage your fears, to become emotionally mature people and not those who are forever looking for someone to care for their needs.

Like Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, love is not looking at each other constantly. Because in the end, we will end up losing all perspective. To love consciously is to be able to harmonize our hearts so that together we can see the beauty of the world, always united in the same way. This is what we might call “an awareness of being a couple.”

The three K’s

This amazing aspect, “awareness of being a couple”, is based on the three K’s that we should reflect on for a moment:

• Compromise. Compromise is not only based on a completely respectful attachment to another person, but also to ourselves. We should take care of our own mental well-being so that we can fully commit to the one we love.
• Communication. All happy and stable couples have the ability to communicate when the need arises. They make it self-assured through active listening, empathy, and the kind of closeness that leaves no room for selfishness or blackmail.
• Correspondence. Correspondence is nothing but a reciprocity in which we understand that love is not just giving, it is also receiving. A couple is not a competition for strengths, but rather a team that can come to agreements, an alliance where both win, where personal growth of our loved one is considered an investment in the relationship.

In conclusion, we need to understand that the love variable is not enough in the couple’s equation. A relationship is like a muscle. It must be trained through a sense of humor, respect and personal freedom. We should be able to encourage healthy secession based on lack of fear, co-dependence and, above all, non-dependence.