How To Reduce The Effects Of Guilt
We live in a cultural environment that seeks to impose certain behavioral norms. We are told that there are rewards and punishments for our actions. And when we make a mistake or do something that is against the rules of “accepted behavior,” a sense of guilt arises. This can also be used for when we simply stop doing something that is “expected” . This is where all our problems start: guilt.
We can find these types of rules everywhere. In the family, at work, at school, in our everyday lives. Our decisions constantly go through a kind of code of conduct to distinguish right from wrong. A moral compass that accompanies us as we become social beings.
“I am not guilty of the fact that life eats of virtue and sin, of the beautiful and the ugly.”
-Benito Pérez Galdós-
At times, things seem to go even further. For example, in some religions such as Catholicism one is born with a debt called “the original sin”. This sin can only be erased through the sacrament of baptism. They plead guilty even before we enter this world. We do not even know what the reason behind this judgment is, but it gives us eternal guilt.
The ideal for us would be not to let ourselves be paralyzed by this fear. It is good to recognize our mistakes, reflect on them, and learn. But it is not healthy to bear this guilt for the rest of your life. No one would be able to grow as a person and achieve their goals that way. There is something dangerous about a sense of guilt that is so strong that it ends up controlling our entire lives.
Do not judge yourself so harshly – do not let others be your executioners
We are always aware of social acceptance. Many times we are not able to take a single step forward without thinking about what others will think. And our existence, instead of being a treasure, is transformed into a place that is cold and hopeless. We isolate ourselves and we do not have the courage to make any kind of sense. In the end, we do everything in our power to become invisible.
The situation becomes complicated when we disappoint others or ourselves. No matter who is right, the first thing we are required to do is take the blame. This leads us to judge ourselves in a sometimes cruel and merciless way. Thus, the confidence we have in ourselves and our self-esteem gets a pretty brutal blow.
It can also happen that others take it upon themselves to tell us that our behavior is not appropriate. They place us in an unfair, arbitrary and disproportionate sanction. They give us a sense of guilt. Inevitably, we are the only ones who will end up hurt. Instead, we need to keep in mind that we deserve the respect we give others. It is one of the basic guarantees of coexistence.
No one has the right to deny you another chance. Accepting your mistakes is a noble act that will enrich you spiritually. We are all on equal footing. In order for guilt not to become an obstacle in your life, you must forgive yourself. You must also know how to forgive and understand that your peers have no power over you.
Let guilt remain in the past and start moving forward in the present
Many people confuse the phrase “he who forgets his story is doomed to repeat it “. This phrase is attributed to the Spanish poet, Jorge Agustin Nicolas Ruiz. In it one finds a reason to remain in the past. Yes, it is necessary to remember the story in order not to make the same mistakes. Nevertheless, no one can grow while carrying the weight of the things in one’s life that could have been but never happened.
Perhaps one of the most common mistakes we make is to stay grounded in the past. We behave in the same way as a prisoner with a death sentence. This is as far as we go. Nothing and no one can get us out of the physical and spiritual paralysis. Further down the road , that guilt will dominate every single one of our actions until we become people marked by frustration.
We are an ongoing construction in time and space. Our lives are very short in relation to the distances of the universe. Here we measure the time indication in seconds, minutes and hours. So in days and nights. And we end up with cycles of weeks, months and years. The earth is nothing more than a light blue dot in an infinite time , as Carl Sagan described.
If we look at the past in a constructive way, our guilt disappears. We manage to get out of that hole. It is the only way to mature. If, on the contrary, we allow the past to return to a corner and assume our present, we will not be able to move on. We are the architects of our own destiny, for the future is in our hands.
