How To Get Better At Discussing

We have grown up in a culture of constant discussion, where we often get in a bad mood everywhere, and we do not accept different opinions. There is a need for us to become better at discussing.

We discuss something almost every day and we often do it more than once. As the first thing in the morning, we discuss with the postman who has parked in front of our garage.

At dinner, we discuss with our children because they are sitting with the phone during lunch. Next, we can discuss with our friend who forgot to call us. And, to make a curl on the tail, we end up arguing with our partner in the evening before going to bed.

It is true that it takes a lot of our time to discuss, but is it actually useful? Is it good or bad to have so many disagreements? Is it possible to discuss without getting into an argument?

It brings us closer to others when we discuss

Most people think that discussions involve quarreling with the other person and that it goes beyond disagreements and shouting, humiliation, disrespect or disqualifying each other. However, if one takes into account Merriam Webster’s definition of the word, we can clearly see what the concept entails:

• To give reasons for or against something.
• To consider the pros and cons of something.
• Prove (or try to prove) by giving reasons.

That way, discussions involve two people confronting a problem in a detailed way. They listen to each other’s positions and they review the opposing views.

As you can see, the concept of arguing has nothing to do with any kind of hostile confrontation. Going back to the core definition of the word, it means arguing, exchanging and discussing opinions on a particular topic, in an effort to communicate with the parties involved.

Becoming better at discussing involves dealing with our differences

So, are discussions beneficial to our relationship? In general, we avoid having confrontations with others. Nevertheless, human relationships require interaction, and this means that each individual has his or her own way of thinking and reacting. 

Often, it can create a problem as we can easily fall into a pattern of expecting others to act and think the same way we do.

Expectations of other people’s behavior, as well as valid judgments according to what is right and wrong, lead us to non-constructive confrontations. 

Expecting others to act the way we want them to, or simply waiting for others to change their point of view, creates a disrespectful communication environment, which only makes matters more complicated.

This is true because instead of accepting whoever is in front of us, we require the other person to be and behave according to our own beliefs. It is important to understand that there is nothing wrong with having a different opinion.

Benefits of discussing in an appropriate way

It is important to emphasize the two primary benefits that come out of discussing, according to the given definition. They are as follows:

• Avoid social isolation: Discussing means establishing communication, and all types of communication also create a relationship. We are social beings, and, therefore, we need relationships with others so that we can be emotionally healthy. Furthermore, we have the right to express our opinions and be respected for them.
• Enriches our point of view: Arguing in a fluid way allows us to open our minds. Sharing different opinions, in addition to creating distance, puts us in the other party’s shoes, and gives us a different perspective. While this does not necessarily mean that others will change their minds, sharing these differences can bring us closer together and make it easier to reach agreements. To be able to understand the other party’s position, along with all the emotions and attitudes it brings, it requires a significant level of personal growth.

How do you get better at discussing?

Most problems in our relationships are due to a lack of knowledge about each other’s ways of being. Discussing allows us to create space for different opinions and perspectives.

It is not always easy to deal with people who disagree with the way we think or behave. The most important thing is to know how we express our thoughts and how we deal with our emotions that arise in conflicts.

When we discuss, it is essential to avoid being passive or aggressive in our response, as well as to respect and to be respected.  This requires a constant effort to create healthy boundaries with those with whom we have relationships.

But, again, how can we express our point of view while respecting the other? There are three main aspects that will make you better at discussing:

Active and mutual listening to become better at discussing

In order to maintain a dialogue, it is crucial that one listens. Interrupting, judging, disqualifying and rejecting what the other person is feeling completely eliminates the possibility of understanding them. Because of this, it is important to pay attention to body language, as the emotional charge of messages is often transmitted through our gestures.

Disagreements between verbal and non-verbal language can give us a lot of information. Moreover, it is important to keep our minds quiet when someone speaks to us. We should avoid thinking about what we will answer once they have finished talking. It will keep us from, fully, listening to their message.

Impact

Impact is the ability to express our beliefs, without offending the other person or conforming to their will. It involves a direct and balanced expression of our thoughts and feelings, through self-confidence, and without letting other emotional stages (such as anxiety, anger, or guilt) limit us.

To have an impact requires that you respond by defending your right, without assuming a passive, aggressive and / or a respectful attitude. 

Empathy

It is the ability to capture, share and understand what the other person is thinking or feeling. Empathy enables deep communication to take place. As well as connecting to the personal condition of those participating in the discussion.

That way, one will prevent selfish and polarized settings as one appreciates what the other is feeling.

Without a doubt, the solution to conflicts in relationships is not to avoid discussing, but to be able to deal with differences through mature confrontation. The first step is to assume that we do not have the absolute truth and that we are not completely correct in any kind of fact or situation.