Getting Rid Of Certain Family And Social Mandates Is Healthy

Getting rid of inflexible family and social mandates is healthy because these codes and commitments make us prisoners in a life plan that we have not chosen. Sometimes it is better to be the black sheep than a personality created by the false perfection defined in some families.

All of us have somehow been trapped by the invisible network woven by social mandates in the family, many times inherited from generation to generation. They rise as an invisible consciousness .As a soul of a legacy, where there are certain things that we must accept without question. In fact, it is like we do things when we are children until suddenly something happens in us. We get tired of being hostages to the admonishing glances, to the expectations written in the family bond.

“No legacy is as rich as honesty.”
-William Shakespeare-

Every family is like a clan. It is a dynamic and extremely complex dimension. Here the emotional heritage, a past, beliefs, repressions and of course social mandates are integrated. Viktor Frankl, the famous Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, wrote in his book “The Doctor and the Soul” that the only thing worse than suffering is for our own suffering to go without a witness. Then the value of the family as the first circle of memory is the heir of that inheritance.

If this disorder is wrapped up in hard feelings, we can give rise to a bad legacy. Because it is most likely that this creates mistrust as the main mandate.

We invite you to reflect on this.

The unconscious social mandates that shape us every single day

A mandate is something more than an implicit obligation to go out and eat with our parents every Sunday. We are talking primarily about the thought patterns that build a large part of our emotional castle, brick after brick. It is part of the psychogenalogy that often acts as a true inhibitor of the vital growth impulse.

Phrases like “I can not go wrong”, “I have to control my emotions”, “you can not trust people” or ” if they tell me I’m wrong, it’s because they do not love me” define it impression. Whether we believe it or not, the pressure after each of these generational mandates is written with a hammer and chisel in the depths of our personality.

Cognitive psychology is one of the best lenses for understanding this delicate framework. The most significant and crucial beliefs are acquired in our childhood through our relationships with our family. Authors like Aaron Beck remind us that some of these patterns also have a genetic component.

According to a study published in the journal Nature Neuroscience, our DNA transmits information about stressful and horrific experiences that have been passed down from generation to generation.

That said, we need to keep one thing clear in our minds. Genetic predisposition does not determine our personality; it simply foresees us. But if we add the continuity of these social mandates, values, guidelines, and dictate the weight of our genes, it is undoubtedly possible to establish a continuous cycle of mutual reinforcement.

How to abolish family mandates

Getting rid of family mandates is not exactly easy. There are many cultures and countries where the weight of the family has a very strong influence. Questioning it is almost like blasphemy for the cement that holds society together. In fact, as Albert Einstein once put it, it is easier to split an atom than a preconceived notion. ”

Today, the so-called transgenerational psychology is at its highest point.  This is a therapeutic technique in which they dive into the family tree to prevent repeated patterns from the past from appearing in the present. As such, they help the person become aware of the imperceptible dynamics that have managed to be sent down, and which stop their growth, their happiness.

Nevertheless, it is always helpful to be aware of certain aspects of our daily lives that can also help us remove these mandates. We will explain these to you below.

Keys to breaking away from family mandates

We need to understand family mandates as contracts that we have not signed. We may decide to accept them if they enrich us personally and emotionally, or we may simply refuse to sign them, not accept them.

A mandate is a constellation of verbal and non-verbal codes that we need to know how to decode. We even integrate many thought patterns that need to be questioned. The revolution of liberation must start with ourselves.

Dive into your beliefs. Ideas like “I’m clumsy” or “I must not disappoint” are like the “irrational ideas” described to us by Albert Ellis. They are the roots of dysfunctional emotions that we need to correct.

Start questioning the really common phrases that can be heard in all families. Expressions like “your boyfriend is not good enough for you”. “In this house we all belong to this political party, this religion, this sports team,” “studying it there is a waste of time” or “doing anything else is just stupid…”  These are codes to invalidate, for to start breaking down in our minds.

Being family does not mean we have to dedicate absolute loyalty just because we share the same blood. Not if they impose a fate on us. Not if you yourself have negative consequences. And never, if these dynamics expose us to the misfortune of an infinite cycle of misfortune.

Sometimes it is much more than an obligation to endure and abolish these social mandates from our family clan. It is a need. We have the right to affirm our own personal integrity so that we do not live to see our identity compromised. So we want to distance ourselves from being the puppet that others create and that they feel they have control over.

Pictures of Sara Riches