Compliments Are Winds That Threaten To Blow Us Over

With age, we gain more independence. Within a few months, we can move around by crawling. When we are ten years old, we can move around on our own. And we leave our childhood home when we find a job that allows us to do this. Life is a gradual process. And in our lives we collect a lot of compliments and sorrows. Along the way, we will learn new things and take responsibility.

But just as we are moving forward on the path of independence, there is one thing we will never completely get rid of. And that is the influence that others have on us. This influence can be conscious, as when our boss gives us a task. Or it can be more discreet, like when our boss gives us a lot of compliments because he is trying to reinforce our motivation and behavior.

Luis’ story of compliments

One day Luis came home in a sad mood. After noticing this, his mother asked him what was going on. Luis told her sadly that his schoolmates had said he was useless. He had not been able to solve the math their teacher had asked him to solve on the board.

His mother then said he should go for a walk in the nearby pine forest. There he was to pick up a pine cone from the ground. He then had to tell it all the bad things he could think of. The boy looked at her confused. The following Saturday, while playing with a ball, he picked up a pine cone from the ground. Then he said a lot of terrible things to him that we will not repeat here.

At dinner that evening, his mother asked him if he had spoken to the firecracker. It told Luis that he had. His mother then said that the following Saturday he should pick up another cone, but this time he should give it all the compliments he could think of. Of course, Luis did as his mother said, and she inquired into it the following day.

She asked him directly if he had noticed any differences in the cones before and after he had picked them up on the various Saturdays. The boy said he had not noticed any differences.

His mother told him that the same thing happens to people. She told that flattery or humiliation does not change who we are. Further, she told him that we have a fundamental advantage over the firecracker. It is that we can actually learn something.

We’re like Luis

We have all been like Luis many times. And we will certainly continue to do so. The words that other people say pierce us. They have an impact on us, and we probably cannot prevent that. But what we can do is look at these messages we receive, with the perspective that they deserve.

Because if someone tries to create an image of us from their perspective, whether they want to offend us or not, it does not mean that their description is more accurate than a random description of us. Although he had not actually been able to solve the problem, Luis probably did not feel useless until he had received the negative message from his classmates.

When you  are told something of this nature, it is always a good idea to try to ask a question in our inner dialogue.  Why should criticism and condemnation come from others and not from oneself? One must realize that they only spend a small part of the day with one. They know very little about what to do or what to think.

Remember that the person who compliments you today may be the same person who insults you tomorrow. The same can happen the opposite way. One should not be a weather vane that turns in the wind direction of the compliments. Nor a blade thrown around by the wind of the flatterer.

Get all the information you want from the other tells you. But you have the last word when it comes to defining yourself. This is a great power. Do not put it in the hands of others, and if you do, at least put it in people who really value you.