Are You In A Toxic Relationship Without Knowing It?

If you have ever been completely immersed in the rugged vortex of a toxic relationship, you will definitely understand what we will share in this article. First of all, we will try to define what a toxic relationship is and what it entails in the lives of those who suffer from it.

Of course , toxic relationships are not just about romantic relationships. It can also be relationships we maintain with a family member or friend. But in this article, we will create boundaries for the topic and narrow them down to toxic relationships of the romantic nature.

“Know how to win without losing yourself, and know how to lose by winning yourself”
–Joan Garriga–

A toxic relationship always has something that “makes up for it” for us

It is the kind of union that we maintain with someone and that we are unable to escape. It is a union that is very strong, intense and destructive at the same time. We lose ourselves in it.  And we become a person we are not. We seek to remain in it, even when it involves suffering most of the time. Or worse, even if it means losing our self-love.

Logically, if we are involved in that relationship, it is because there is a great advantage. Or at least it contains something we are not ready to give up yet. A benefit powerful enough to prevent breakup. But if we could look at it from a perspective that allowed us to see the overall picture, we could conclude something important . The toxicity that this relationship exerts on our lives deserves that we change the relationship or end it.

Behind this type of relationship lies the same mechanism that maintains addiction. That’s why it’s so hard to escape from it. And the more time in our lives we invest in it, the harder it becomes for us to get out of it. We may not see it now, but it is possible and gratifying to get out of it. It’s like quitting smoking or quitting a cocaine addiction.

I can also recover my lost responsibility and act accordingly

In general, we tend to place the blame on our partners. “He’s the poison,” “she’s the poison, not me,” “I have given him too many options, and he is incapable of change. I do not know what to do ” . There may be nothing left to do… Perhaps the healthiest, most beneficial and loving opportunity for yourself is to end the relationship. Do not insist on reviving a relationship that no longer has a pulse. A heart that no longer sends oxygenated blood.

Popular wisdom says, “Do not ask for the impossible. ” We can not ask anyone to be someone they are not. Enough time has passed for us to know that now. How much of our lives should we lose on this effort, which is detrimental to our mental and emotional health ?! How many opportunities do you have to give in order for you to learn ?! “Maybe I should wait a little longer, he needs more time…”

And along the way, we differentiate ourselves from ourselves. We lose ourselves. We stop loving ourselves. In essence, we offer our lives to this kind of parenthesis, in which the other person ties up his knots. Until he is done, we will not give up or give in. And what about what we deserve? What about our needs?

Getting out of a toxic relationship requires a monumental effort

That is why getting out of a relationship of this caliber is a superhuman struggle. First of all, because we realize that we have no power over the other person (a very normal common belief among many people: “I must make him change”).

Secondly because it makes you aware of the amount of effort that was wasted in an impossible mission. It turns it into an attempt to love and take care of ourselves, enough not to fall back into a relationship doomed to failure (personal and amorous).

Blaming the other person is not helpful if we stay with them

We cannot spend our lives blaming the other person, because of their way of being, when we are the ones who continue to choose that person over and over again as our partner. (We are talking about a toxic relationship. Not about a healthy relationship that, like any other relationship, has its ups and downs).

“Each person should bear their own guilt. That way, there is no one to blame. “
–Antonio Porchia–

We talk about accepting responsibility for our decisions and choices. If we know that someone is harmful to our health, we must stay away from that person. Like a child who is allergic to peanuts because he gets sick when he eats them.

Self-love starts with listening to yourself with sincerity

In a toxic relationship, something similar occurs. But sometimes our radar, our inner compass, is so confused that we are unable to see beyond how passionate and almost mysterious this love is. The child is feeling bad but… what about us? We need to listen carefully and pay attention to the situations we experience in order to detect the damage.

To the extent I am aware of, my share of responsibility and choose to run away from what hurts me. Thus I gain more power . I give myself a little bit back of the power I had given away to the other person. Thus, I will eventually recover. I choose myself.