Protect Yourself From Toxicity With Emotional Responsibility

In recent years  , the concept of toxicity has become popular, especially in the context of relationships. We are surrounded by toxic people who hurt us and rob us of our positivity, whether they are in family, relationships, at work or in friendships.

Psychologist and author, Bernardo Stamateas, defines toxic people as those who have behaviors that amplify our weaknesses, fill us with burdens and frustrations, and try to lower our self-esteem, either consciously or unconsciously.

But what happens when WE are the poisonous people ? Sometimes we demonstrate certain behaviors that hurt others. We have no idea we do. Let’s dig deeper…

Some signs of toxicity

No one likes to think they are hurting people. It is easier to blame others and point out what is wrong. But the truth is that at some point in their lives, everyone is toxic.

Sacrifice, selfish and manipulative behavior, where we try to convince people to do what we want – it’s toxic. When we can not be happy with the success of others, when we tear down their dreams and values ​​- it is also toxic.

Does it still not sound like you? Then think of the times when you put your foot down out of sheer pride, knowing that you made a mistake and hurt someone but did not want to admit it. Yes, it’s toxicity.

Then we are suddenly sucked into a downward spiral. It starts when we try to control others, manipulate them, or gain attention . It turns out that toxicity just hovers around us, waiting for a chance to jump in.

Maybe no one has ever told us that there are different degrees of toxicity, and it’s not as simple as labeling someone as toxic.

When we act like this , we are actually projecting our negative perspective, the gaps we have inside, and our unresolved conflicts.

The heavy chains of fear, emptiness or guilt weigh us down. Our lack of emotional responsibility and empathy drags us further down.

To be toxic to ourselves

We are not just toxic to others. We are also for ourselves. We can truly be our own worst enemies . The way we treat each other and how we talk to ourselves affects us. It has the power to imprison us.

If we judge ourselves harshly, always telling ourselves we are not enough, we treat ourselves in a toxic way. We undermine our self-esteem and undermine our relationships with conflicting behaviors.

Let us not tear ourselves down or blame ourselves when we make a mistake. An error does not deserve it. On the other hand, if we are kind to ourselves, we will be able to see what happened from a different perspective. Then we can try new strategies. Indirectly, our relationship will improve.

Accept your toxicity to change you

Accepting that we are toxic will require a lot of honesty and emotional responsibility. But that is the first step to change. To do that, we really need to pay attention to how we act to detect the toxic dynamics. Then we can see what emotional problems we are trying to cover.

Maybe we see that we control others because we are insecure. Perhaps our negativity comes from being overly critical and we need to open up to other more positive views. Could it be that we are manipulating people because we need to learn to recognize, express and control our emotions?

The important thing is to accept that we have problematic behavior. We must take responsibility if we want to see what is really going on. It’s not about pointing fingers.

5 tips for learning to live responsibly

To prevent toxicity from getting into the ground in our lives, the key is to incorporate emotional responsibility into our lives. It is a sign of growth to take responsibility for our lives and accept that we have power over what we feel. But how do we do that?

Practice emotional intelligence

To be responsible for what we feel, we must first understand our own and others’ feelings. To do this, you need to learn to set boundaries, surround yourself with positive people, exercise self-control, be empathetic and look for the positive. Toxicity will have a hard time getting in after that.

Avoid holding others accountable

The emotions we feel belong to us. Focusing on them is fundamental. For it is not about attributing guilt, but about learning to deal with it.

Take responsibility for how we feel

If we take the full weight of our feelings, it is difficult, but we can do it: Change “You make me angry” or ” You make me feel terribly comfortable ” out of  “I’m angry about it, you have done, or what happened. I am the one who feels angry about what happened and I have to deal with it instead of avoiding it or rejecting it. ” With this you own what you feel.

Channel our emotions. Releasing anger, sadness or fear and accepting how it affects us can help us learn from it.

Choose our position

We can not change our relationship or the people around us sometimes, but we can change our attitude. Therefore, it is important to focus inward and choose how we should see things. Let us not forget that we have the last word.

As you can see , toxicity is a tool we use to cover our wounds. The best way to prevent this is to develop emotional responsibility. Life is not easy. Each of us has a whole history of dealing with pain and suffering, sometimes in a healthy way and sometimes in a toxic way.

The solution is to first become aware of it, and then turn our toxicity into health.