What Is Experiential Avoidance Disorder?

What are the symptoms of experiential avoidance disorder? How can we better control our emotions? Find out all this, and more, in this fascinating article!

Maybe you are someone who is fleeing from your own, negative thoughts and feelings for fear of the pain they may cause. These are symptoms of experiential avoidance disorder. In this article, we will tell you what you can do to avoid it.

We live in a “culture of joy” where we expect to be happy at all costs, regardless of the situation. The problem is that when we do not achieve this state, then we feel frustrated. This makes us even more unhappy and disturbs us greatly.

Joy is not permanent

The truth is that joy, or our emotional well-being, is never permanent. We can not say to ourselves, “I am happy” because that is simply not true.

Trying to be permanent, emotionally fit is a fantasy that throws us deeper into suffering. For example, when we avoid feeling anxiety, sadness, or pain, we actually double our discomfort.

The pressure we put on ourselves when we say, “I have to feel good” or “I have to be happy” is the perfect way to NOT feel light. It’s a paradox. All emotional evasions will, inevitably, lead to an increase in even the same emotions.

Imagine you are in the middle of the ocean on top of a raft, surrounded by sharks. Some say to you, “If you feel scared, you will fall into the sea with the sharks. Therefore, do not be afraid. ”

What do you think will happen? For sure, you will feel even more nervous! It would not be at all natural to suppress anxiety in such a circumstance!

This is why it is much more normal to accept that, in this context, the most logical thing is that one  will experience anxiety and fear. We should let this anxiety and fear come to light, and get used to it, at all costs.

Experiential avoidance disorder is, quite simply, a tendency to constantly want to prioritize feeling good. People will act in such a way that they will try to achieve an instant sense of well-being. We will explain it in more detail here:

What are the symptoms of experiential avoidance disorder?

By using acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), traditional diagnostic classification systems are rejected. At the same time, experts consider our behavior in individual situations to be the only element to be analyzed and acted upon.

By using this form of therapy, we can diagnose the psychopathology that we are discussing today – the so-called experiential avoidance disorder.

Experiential avoidance is an inflexible pattern of behavior. It comes due to ineffective, verbal regulation, which means we try to avoid suffering, at all costs. It’s all about controlling the things we come across, along with the sensations, emotions, and circumstances they create.

People try to completely control every single situation. Sometimes, this will be through anxiety pills or alcohol. However, any other form of avoidance that goes against our personal values ​​will lead us directly into a trap of eternal discomfort.

A rejection of negative emotions

What happens is that the person with symptoms of experiential avoidance disorder systematically rejects all negative emotions. He does not want to experience them or feel them, under any circumstances.

He tells himself things, such as: “Negative emotions are terrible and painful”, “I always have to be happy”, “I can not feel sadness”, or “What will others think if they see that I am concerned?”. The list goes on…

All these thoughts make the person try to control their negative emotions, in every conceivable way. They can look for a kind of “escape route” that is quick, easy and efficient in the short run. The problem is that emotional control is short-lived. After a short time, the emotional discomfort will return, and often more intense.

Therefore, it is as the person with experiential avoidance disorder does to “put patches” on their emotions so that they do not show how they really feel. To begin with, it seems to work, but over time, the patch will start to fall off. Therefore, the emotions will actually come to light more intensely.

What can I do if I suffer from experiential avoidance disorder?

When someone suffers from experiential avoidance disorder and wants to get out of this, eternal cycle, then you have to set them on the idea that suffering is a part of life. It’s not because we want to suffer. It’s just accepting the fact that emotional discomfort is something that can happen to anyone, and the simple fact that one is alive.

For example, it is not logical to look for a new partner, to get better or become less lonely if your better half has left you. The healthy thing is to go through the grief that this kind of loss brings. It is our brain’s way of assimilating what has happened, and it makes it possible to learn from it in the future.

If we use things in our lives, such as artificial “crutches” or “patches”, or we do everything we can to avoid suffering in the short run, then the only thing we will achieve is to bury the pain deeper and end in increasing our suffering in the long run. 

We must embrace our demons

Therefore, in order to combat the symptoms of experiential avoidance disorder, we need to embrace our demons. We have to come face to face with our emotions. This is true no matter what emotions we experience. We must be willing to live with them and live through them.

We know that anxiety or deep grief are not pleasant emotions. And, we would prefer not to have to experience them. However, it is also true that life does not always go the way we want it to. Inevitably, there will be times when we have to experience them.

A good way to start is by saying to yourself, “Today, I feel anxious, but it doesn’t matter. Anxiety is not bad, it’s just uncomfortable ”or“ I want to embrace my sadness today and I want to live with it. I do not like it, but it will not kill me ”. These kinds of thoughts are much more realistic and functional.

Go towards your goals

It is also important to know what your values ​​and goals in life are so that you can move towards them, regardless of the emotions you may be feeling. Emotions do not have to limit us. It’s one thing to live with them and feel them when we come across something, but it’s something completely different when they control us.

Emotions, whether positive or negative, can accompany us in our daily lives in the same way that a headache or cold can. Or even the bad news we see or hear about.

Because of this, if we know what we want with our lives in the medium or long term, we can work our way towards this. Let us not get stuck in the temporary discomfort we may feel.

Move towards your goals, every day, no matter what your goals are. Only you can choose them. Let all your emotions, even negative thoughts, go with you. The moment you make room for them and learn to live with them, the sooner they will stop controlling your life. They might even leave you completely.