Failure Is The Wound That Lasts The Longest

Failure from our partner, from our parents in childhood or even from society itself creates a wound that cannot be seen  but which we feel pulsating every single day. For it is a torn mess, a broken bond that used to nourish our emotions and security.

With that said, failure is not just created by a physical absence. The most common failure is emotional. Here, lack of interest, apathy, and coldness show their ugly faces. This is something every child will pick up. And, of course, it will end up ruining any adult.

It is often said that in order to understand what it means to be let down, “one must be let down.” But it’s something no one deserves. Because with every absence we lose a part of ourselves. No one needs to go through that suffering.

The psychological meanings that come from an early experience of failure are generally very serious. Although all children handle it differently, it is normal for a mark to be left behind after the trauma. And traumatic experiences cannot be cured with time, but only by working on them. An intimate and personal struggle that many people are experiencing in this moment.

Failure: driving boats filled with absence

The feeling of failure can manifest itself in many forms.  We become driving boats when, for example, we lose our jobs and can not find a way to enter the market again. We remain stranded, like a confused child left by their mother at a young age, or like a man who one day comes home from work only to find an empty house and the absence of the woman he loved.

There is an interesting website called “ Abandonment.net ”. Anyone who needs it can write about their experience related to failure. For many people, being able to share these experiences is therapeutic. But in most of these stories  , the primary thing that can be seen is a trauma that took place at a very young age: the  death of their mother or father, having an alcoholic parent, having grown up almost alone…

Suffering from some form of childhood failure is crucial.  So crucial that experts say it’s like another birth. If the first was painful but encouraging, the second entails being “reborn” into a world where we feel loved. There we must learn to appreciate ourselves by suffering from the pruning of the umbilical cord that binds us to a heart, emotions, and needs that must be satisfied.

Consequences associated with emotional failure

When it comes to consequences associated with a traumatic psychological dimension, it is important to keep in mind that there is great diversity. Not everyone perceives and expresses their pain in the same way. Nevertheless, we can summarize it as here:

• Suffering from childhood failure often leads to problems when it comes to creating stable relationships in adulthood.  It is normal to feel distrustful, to feel vulnerable. One goes through periods of some apathy. There it is very complicated to deal with emotions like anger or sadness.
• When a person suffers failure from a partner or from society itself, they may end up “sabotaging themselves”. They do this, for example, by thinking that they do not deserve to be happy or loved. They may think they have no abilities. Or that it is no longer worth fighting for their own dreams because nothing more can be done.
• Addiction problems can also show up. It is a need for recognition and recognition. But individuals end up giving too much of themselves to others. And afterwards, they feel that what they got back was not the same as what they put into it.
• It is also normal to suffer from a certain “emotional reminiscence.” Sometimes someone or something reactivates the feelings of failure. Then their whole world is paralyzed again.

All of these things are marks of serious post-traumatic stress that need to be dealt with.

How to heal wounds from failure

The wound from failure must be healed by paying close attention to self-confidence. Thereby one can become able to forgive and free oneself from the past. It’s like someone cutting the string onto a very dark balloon and letting it fly. Obviously, however, this is a difficult step to perform.

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, for example, tends to be very useful  for the discovery and transformation of traumatic memories from childhood. It allows the person to release their mind and body and open their hearts to get proper emotional relief.
• Experts in traumatic experiences instead recommend the importance of learning to express emotional needs. Through words, the injured person can learn to connect with the people around them who can help and support them. That way, they can establish safer conditions.

Something as essential as learning to take care of ourselves, prioritizing ourselves every day to get away, little by little from anger and bitterness, will allow us to stop being prisoners of the wounds of the past. The memory may not erase the grief of the past, but it can give peace and quiet like watching the river flow by:  everything happens, and though the coldest, darkest stones may remain at the bottom, the water runs clear and clean over them. We can start over…