The Desire To Feel Important And Admired By Others
We all want others to think that we are special and important. It has nothing to do with being narcissistic or self-centered. In fact, it is a perfectly legitimate and even healthy desire. However, feeling important is not the same as actually being important.
In fact, there are some people who feel frustrated about not being important enough. As a consequence, they consider themselves to be ordinary and not special.
The problem is not the desire to gain recognition, awake admiration, or be significant to others. Many times, it is not about wanting to feel important in itself, but what we understand as “important”.
In other words, we all have our individual concept of what it means to be special to others. In addition to this, we also have our own expectations when it comes to other people’s opinions around us.
People talk about “being someone in life” and being “nobody”. These terms lead us to believe that many factors define existence. You are either “nobody” or “someone”, depending on the way you live your life. To what extent is this true?
Sundt ego vs. disturbed ego
Buddhists and Lacanians say that the “ego” is a source of suffering. Despite the differences between both currents, they both agree on the fact that an excessive focus on ourselves does not help us look beyond what is ahead of us.
It will, thus, hinder our personal growth and lead to unhappiness. Our “ego” has a huge appetite. And, the more you feed it, the more voracious it becomes.
The truth is that even though we may stand out in some things, it is quite impossible to be the best at everything. Basically, feeding your ego will make you focus on what you are missing and have not achieved. This will, obviously, lead to unhappiness.
Now, another plausible scenario is someone who has been exposed to a harmful environment. For example, having been surrounded by people who have degraded, ignored, or rejected them in some way.
As a result, it is more than natural for them to have poor self-esteem, poor self-esteem and little to no self-love. In these cases, their desire for validation can be extreme.
A desire to feel important
Anthropological studies show that some societies, in truth, only valued warriors. Others, however, punished men who did not maintain peace. For some, only those who showed signs of severe violence in front of others were able to be considered “someone”. The rest were, on the contrary, just “none”.
That said, should anyone who is peaceful by nature become violent just for the purpose of feeling important? Should warriors by nature become peaceful just to be idolized by the rest?
This is exactly the trap your ego wants you to fall into. Our desire to feel important can, at times, cause us to deny who we really are. Thus, we become another so that others can approve of us. The question is… Is it worth it?
Beam with your own light
In case you do not know, you can find one of Socrates’ most famous phrases, in the famous Oracle in Delphi: “Know yourself”. It’s an act of self – love when you know yourself well, and it’s something everyone should do.
Keep in mind that knowing oneself is not limited to simply making a list of virtues and faults. It is about understanding who we really are, including our history, fears, strengths and weaknesses.
More than admiration, what we really need is acceptance, support and love. However, it is not something that comes by itself. In fact, we sow it by accepting, supporting, and appreciating others. Sincere appreciation of ourselves is what heals our ego and eradicates the desire to stand out at all costs.
The desire to feel important is an ego trap. It only leads to frustration as the opinions of others are constantly changing. This admiration that someone longs for does not lead to joy or true love. In fact, it disappears quickly. Do not let it fool you.
