Being A Coward And Why You Should Face The Fear

Do you know anyone who would characterize themselves as a coward? What is the reason you would describe them that way? Can you justify that view? At work, in our family or in our group of friends… We all have someone close to us who we can say is cowardly. Some who dare not face the fear. Cowardice is one of the essential traits of humans. Although it is often condemned or branded as something bad, in some cases it remains an adaptive approach.

We can all look back on different situations where we felt in doubt. We may be wondering what the outcome would have been if we had acted differently in these situations. Perhaps when we analyze these situations, we find that cowardice is the reason for many of these uncertainties.

Cowardice goes hand in hand with fear and conformism. They are inseparable. If fear is not behind it, it is not cowardice; maybe just a desire for security, but not cowardice. You can be a coward in many different ways: in an emotional, behavioral, or cognitive way.

“Cowards are those who seek refuge under rules.”

–Jean Paul Sartre –

What does a coward consist of?

There are different ways to be a coward. The clearest is seen in the behavior. More than what you feel or think, there are moments when a situation requires us to act but does not. There is no reaction. We become paralyzed, insecure… We try to find thousands of reasons. This is best known as the visible form of cowardice. We can easily recognize it in others and even in ourselves. In the moments when we do not say: “I love you”, “let me be”, “no, it’s your job, do it yourself”…

How many times have we ignored our desperate thoughts, instead of confronting them? We can also be cowards in the way we think. Maybe there is an idea, a situation or maybe a memory that bothers us, and instead of taking the time to process it, we try to hide it away. Even though we know it’s the reason for the lump in our stomach, the pressure for the chest. When others bring it up, we try to avoid it, change the subject or show forced indifference.

“A coward is a person whose maintenance instinct still works normally.”

-Ambrose Bierce-

Finally, we have the emotional cowards who  choose not to feel anything so that they do not feel suffering. They see emotions as a difficulty and their solution is to run away from them. It may be that others do not understand them, but those who choose to flee because of fear, sorrow, love, or anger have their reasons. Perhaps because of past difficult relationships, childhood traumas, which make it difficult for them to show empathy or even bad experiences as an adult, which contributes to the fear that they will lose control.

Why do we behave this way?

Whatever we are a coward or someone we know is it, then  the feeling of cowardice can lead to lack of understanding, disappointment and even anger. Why do we behave in a cowardly way? In both the brave and the cowardly we find the same answer. For a large part of our courage is about the number and quality of the skills and personal training we have.

“It is clear that there are only two types of cowards: those who flee back and those who flee forward.”

-Ernesto Mallo-

Fear is a feeling that everyone shares. But cowardice is an attitude – an attitude we make use of when we face fear. You can still do something in the face of fear. It is logical and human. The tools we have used to deal with our emotions and respond in a balanced way can help us. We can make use of strategies to solve problems, find alternatives and direct our behavior in one direction or another.

Overall, cowardice is an ingredient we all have to deal with, whether it is in ourselves or in other people. It would do us better if we leaned on empathic feelings and tried to understand (but not necessarily support) the motives that have encouraged cowardice. If fear arises, start by developing tools that help you learn, listen to others, reflect, share your fear, and train yourself to overcome it.

At work, in your personal relationships or even activities that scare you… Fight cowardice. Remember that things are not just black and white, all or nothing. Everything takes its time, and little by little you can let those sweeping thoughts, actions and emotions lay.