5 Things To Say To End A Quarrel

Some people think that ” quarrels are the death of conversation “, like Emil Ludwig . But others believe that an argument can even be a positive and avoidable thing. Can that be true? Let’s try to find some answers.

Professor, Javier Escrivá Ivars, is Director of the Masters in Marriage and Family at the University of Navarra and Professor at the University of Valencia. He thinks argumentation is good, but fights are destructive. That is, in a quarrel, we should not break certain rules. Especially not if we do not want to make this exchange of opinions destructive. And to do that, there are certain phrases that can be extremely helpful.

“Sometimes confrontation is necessary, and I like that.”
–Louis Bourgeois–

Things to say to end a quarrel

Below we will give you some expressions that can stop a quarrel before it turns into a match. But of course, these are not healing, magic wands. So do not forget, if the conversation gets heated, as Professor Excrivá Ivars says, then try to spread your humility and generosity. And never forget empathy.

These are indispensable tools if you really want to improve your life, your relationships and your quarrels. Otherwise, an ordinary conversation can be fatal.

If you are right in what you say…

This is a phrase that shows that you can acknowledge the points you have in common with the other person. So in a quarrel, a moment of conflict, we will not encourage distance between us and them. Instead, we want to encourage closeness and mutual agreement.

Either way, only use that phrase when you really agree with what you want to say you are. As Escrivá says, do not just grope blindly and hope you are right. It will not work the way, or at least not, the way you want it to. Make sure you really agree with the arguments you are pointing out. Also humbly accept your mistakes to find a real common ground.

I feel (thus) when you say…

Most of the quarrels we have in our lives take place with people close to us. As such, and because they are so important, these moments of misunderstanding create a lot of discomfort and conflicting emotions. Why not just say that?

In a quarrel, it is important to share how you feel with the other person. If something the other person is saying hurts you, you need to communicate this in order to speak positively. Also, so the problem does not escalate.

I’m sorry if it upset you. Tell me how you feel so I can understand you better…

Another sentence that can distort an argument. Maybe their point seems absurd to you. But if you start mocking or ridiculing for example, you will do more harm than good.

On the other hand , if you try to empathize and rationalize the feelings of the person you are arguing with, you may be able to see where they are coming from. This way you can analyze the situation better and really understand what is going on, where the problem is coming from and how to find common ground and solutions.

“Remember that every discussion has at least three points of view: yours, the other person’s and everyone else’s.”
-Napoleon Hill-

Why do we not try to support each other?

It is another useful term in a discussion, recommended by Professor Escrivá Ivars. Sometimes it’s best to prioritize the things you have in common to put differences aside. That way, the other person will think you are an honest person who is really looking to reach agreement, not start a fight.

Here you show that you have positivity and do not intend to dispel problems that only separate you. In fact, this term is very useful for turning a verbal struggle into a collaborative relationship.

I have made mistakes and I am very aware of it

There is no such thing as a perfect person. As the imperfect beings we are, we all make mistakes. A quarrel is without a doubt the perfect time to acknowledge our mistakes. Especially if you are partly to blame for the situation.

To do this, it is best to be honest and humble. There is no doubt that the other person will be grateful. Nevertheless, it is not easy to admit your mistakes, especially in heated moments. However, it will be worth it.

Are you and your better half or a particular family member constantly arguing? Do you not like to quarrel or do you think you can make it all more comfortable? Dare to practice these things. But do it honestly and from the heart. With time and practice, your quarrels will get better.