What Does It Mean To Constantly Be Late?
Constantly arriving late can be arousing. There is nothing more annoying than arranging to meet someone at a certain time and then watch the minutes go by without that person coming. Some do not even arrive within minutes, it may even last hours, or they may not arrive at all. The most frustrating thing about this is that they are almost always “repeat offenders”: they never arrive on time.
If it is already the time you have planned to meet and they have not arrived, call them and they will say “I am on my way”. The more daring can say “I’m on my way out the door,” when they should have already arrived. It is a chronic condition. There is no power on earth that can change that.
“Better three hours early than a moment late.”
–William Shakespeare–
The truth is that time is something that is completely subjective. As humans, we have invented different ways of measuring it. Yet everyone perceives and handles it according to a number of subjective variables. For some, it is an exact measure that we need to adapt to; for others, it is an annoying limitation that means nothing to them.
Constantly arriving late and our perception of time
Everyone perceives time in different ways. It depends primarily on age. When you are little, the hours look like days and weeks, and therefore children become impatient. The older you are, the faster time seems to fly. You do not seem to register when a day or month is over: All you know is that it went too fast.
Measuring time also depends on the amount of activities you do. If you have many, then time seems to go faster. If you have few, then you will perceive that time goes slower. Of course, another factor that affects you is your state of mind. Happy times go by quickly, while in the midst of suffering or trouble, it seems as if the hands on the clock have almost stopped.
Regardless of the situation, humans establish a connection between their perception of time and punctuality or constantly arriving late. If living conditions combine to show you what a very limited and precious resource time really is, then you will definitely try to be very precise with your schedules. If, on the other hand, you do not consider time to be so valuable, then you will see it as a limitation to walk around and arrange precise meeting times. Some overestimate time, and others are more focused on the activity itself, no matter how long it takes.
The way we perceive time, whether slow or fast, affects how we plan events. Many people who arrive late are actually bad planners. They do not want to reject anyone. They just do not calculate very well. They are easily distracted and not affected by the sense of urgency that can overwhelm others. In this case, their constant delay only reflects lack of concentration and lack of maturity.
What it means to be constantly late
However, some chronically retarded people do not belong to this innocent category of the absent-minded. Their lack of adaptation to social time implies other peculiarities. Chronic slowness implies that behind it all is an overly narcissistic personality. They are people who want to create a state of need or vulnerability in the other person. They end up using their delay as a power mechanism.
There is also another type of person – the one who arrives late everywhere because they carry a great burden of insecurity with them. They are afraid to meet for some reason and therefore they try to postpone it for as long as they can. They do it unconsciously. They actually do not decide to do so. They simply do not take the necessary steps to be punctual and they do not know why. Deep down, they fear being rejected or looked down upon.
Similarly, some people use delay to express some form of rebellion. They oppose the situation which gave rise to the meeting. Their late arrivals are a way of making that rejection obvious and visible, and at the same time it is an expression of defiance. Maybe something is not quite right and delay becomes a means of making it clear.
What all these cases of delay have in common is ambivalence. In all these situations, two realities are at stake. The transparent one who plans a time and the covert one who sabotages the agreement. Behind the chronic lack of punctuality, there is always a hidden message that needs to be addressed. It is not the traffic conditions nor the carelessness that give rise to this inappropriate behavior. Keeping up with the deadlines is in many cases a hidden and annoying way to send a message.
Photos by Pascal Campion, Rob Gonsalves
