It Is Not Easy To Choose The Right Punishment
Your two-year-old has a tantrum and hits you. How should you react? The truth is that many parents in situations like this are not able to control their impulses. They end up screaming, threatening and even physically beating their child. But is that the solution? No not at all. That is not the right punishment.
The child needs some kind of punishment for their behavior, there is no doubt about that. But what type is the right punishment? Choosing the right punishment and doing it properly is not easy. But read on and find out how!
“The roots of discipline are bitter, but the fruit is sweet”
–Aristoteles–
All inappropriate behavior must have a consequence
When it comes to bad behavior, parents react in all sorts of different ways. On the one hand, we can be too lenient and not discipline them at all. We usually do this to avoid a possible tantrum when the child does not get what they want.
But in the long run, this is counterproductive as the kids get used to getting what they want. The important thing is that they understand that they can not get everything they want. They should understand that they get things done when they behave well and communicate well with their parents.
Therefore, when a child behaves badly, there must be a consequence. This can be in the form of ignoring the child or using the right punishment. If we use the latter , we must make sure that it does not cause physical or mental harm to the child. Corporal punishment is not a good idea. Nor to shout, threaten or humiliate the child.
“Education is not preparation for life, education is life itself”
What is the right punishment?
If the rule, they broke, or the disruptive behavior is minor, eradication may be sufficient. However, if what the child has done is more serious, or if they consistently do not comply with rules , the punishment must be commensurate with their age and development. The idea is to make them understand that abuse leads nowhere.
In addition, the punishment must be related to the rule that has been broken. This way, the child will think about what they did wrong. It should not last very long, otherwise they will end up getting too much attention, which is counterproductive.
From the age of five to six, we can explain the punishment rationally and help them accept it. A positive effect of this way of doing things is that it improves the child’s communication and negotiation skills.
We also show the child that we as parents have the right to be treated properly. We help them understand the rules we agree on at home. Of course, these rules must be fair to all parties involved.
Finally, the punishment must, as much as possible, have a restorative character . That is, the goal should be for the child to somehow correct what they have done wrong. The punishment would ideally be related to the behavior we do not want them to repeat. This will reduce guilt and actually strengthen the family.
How to punish appropriately
Now that we know what punishment should and should not be, let’s talk about how to do it . First and foremost, it is important that the child knows what the rules are and what the punishment will be.
When we impose the penalty, we must keep it running until the end. This is an important point because if parents wait, they will lose their effectiveness. When the child sees that threats are not carried out, then they understand that compliance with the rules is not really necessary . Therefore, parents need to be consistent and control their impulses.
To do this, we must try to control our anger and come up with a punishment that will not harm the child but make them think. We should calmly communicate the negative consequences. As a result, the child will experience love and acceptance, instead of rejection. Giving the right punishment is a challenge, but if you follow these tips, you are on the right track!
“He who is angry imposes a punishment, does not correct, but asserts himself”
Pictures by Andrik Langfield, Gerome Viavant and Rene Bernal.
