What Does It Mean To Live With Humor Or Anger?

There are people who have the ability to always be able to make a difficult situation easy and make us laugh until we crack the side.  They do it because that’s how they are. They do it because life for them has music and rhythm and is not at all as complicated as people make it out to be. On the other hand, there are people who quarrel over nothing and are dazzled by everything. They only see walls where others see bridges. They create a storm when everything is calm, and create division with their anger. So when it comes to living with humor or living with anger: the choice is ours.  

Why are human relationships so complex? We often say that we should avoid those who disturb our psychological stability and only spend time with those who give us joy. But even if this is the best for us, it is not always possible. Because we live with others, we need to understand their views. Most of all, we must learn to survive in all situations, whether we live with good people or with angry dragons.

Living with humor

It is often the case that  the people who quarrel about everything go through a depression. And in some cases, those who laugh at everything sometimes hide in an aggressive or even self-destructive nature. Therefore, we must learn to understand them. We must learn to read and decipher these people from a “other world” that affects us in our world. 

Are the people who always make us laugh always happy?

Peter McGraw is a psychologist from the  University of Colorado  and famous for creating the “humor lab”. There they study the influence of humor as a kind of therapy. They are testing the use of laughter as a “medicine” to improve the quality of life for chronically ill or cancer patients. Science supports these initiatives, although  it has been shown that it is not laughter, but rather attitude, optimism and inner strength that improves the daily lives of these patients. 

In his theory, dr. McGraw identified  four types of humor. It is important to realize that many of the people who make us laugh are not always happy themselves. They do not always have a positive mind. It is worth diving into these categories to better understand these dynamics we experience in our everyday lives.

Four types of humor

• Aggressive humor:  This type of humor is very common in those who make us laugh by using irony and cynical  sarcasm. It is used to make fun of a third party.
• Humor for self-improvement:  This type of humor is one of the healthiest types as it helps us deal with stress. This could be, for example, when someone is able to laugh at themselves, when they look back on a bad day or a mistake they have made. We can also include the use of ironic humor. It is when we laugh at the fact that we never get better at a particular activity or task. It is also very useful for removing tension in all situations.

• Destructive humor directed at oneself:  This is the other side of the above humor. It is a kind of abuse of itself as we use humor against ourselves in a destructive way. This kind of humor is often used when the person has low self-esteem. Depressed people or people in the role of victim also use this kind of humor to get attention from people around them.
• Affiliate humor:  This is the most useful and wonderful kind of humor. It’s the humor that comes from someone that makes us laugh to bring us closer together. To build mutual understanding and create happiness and well-being.

With all this in mind, it is clear that when  we say that someone has a “good sense of humor”, then we need to know what kind of humor they are using. How that humor affects people around them. For example, we have all experienced that feeling when someone makes us laugh, but then we have an uncomfortable feeling afterwards because we have realized that the humor had a dark intention.

The people who quarrel about everything… Do they enjoy making our lives difficult?

Tal Ben-Shahar, a  professor of positive psychology at Harvard University , is known as a “happiness guru”. His many articles on emotions and moods are always an interesting reference when it comes to understanding certain types of behavior better. Such as understanding what lies behind people who quarrel about everything and who seem to enjoy creating inconvenience for themselves and for others.

The answer is simple: unhappiness. This is something no one deserves to experience. But behind it all is a whole kaleidoscope of poorly handled and resolved situations. For example, there may be a lack of ability to deal with frustration, poor problem-solving strategies, unrealistic expectations, tunnel vision. It can also be lack of reflective thinking, low self-esteem, low emotional intelligence.

We can all experience such moments. Difficult moments where different things trigger a weakness inside us that makes us see problems everywhere.  The result is that our positivity is affected and that a whole normal conversation can turn into a quarrel. We can all lose heart, it is completely normal and understandable.

But it is imperative that we get out of this toxic water and find ourselves again. To achieve this, we need willpower and self-control. Stop seeing yourself as a victim. It’s just a matter of picking up the broken pieces and  repairing them with the glue of confidence and the varnish of motivation. In this way, we can also understand that not everyone who laughs is happy, and not everyone who argues about everything is hopeless. We can all heal ourselves. We can all find balance and happiness.